What you resist, persists.
When you’re trying to kick your impulse buying/procrastination/takeaway ordering/insert unhelpful habit here, for the third, fourth or fifth time…
Firstly, know that you’re not alone. You’re doing a dance that most people have done before. It’s a universal experience that everyone you know has had (promise).
But also: it might be about time to mull on this timeless Carl Jung quote to make sure you aren’t unknowingly in self-sabotage mode. You know the one:
“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” - Carl Jung
Carl Jung popularised the idea that if you are resisting something in your life that you want to let go of, you may be unintentionally keeping yourself stuck in a loop with that behaviour.
So how do you know if you’re resisting a behaviour? What does “resisting” actually mean?
You know you’re resisting a behaviour if you react to that behaviour, or the thinking / feelings behind that behaviour with:
frustration or annoyance: “Ugh I hate that I keep on doing this!”
anxiety: “Ahh, what does does this mean about me? What will my future look like?”
resentment: “Why do I have to deal with this? It’s so unfair that I’m still struggling.”
catastrophizing: “This is going to ruin my life. I’ll never be able to get over it.”
despair: “What’s the point? I’m never going to make any progress.”
dismay: “How did I let it get this bad? I should’ve kicked this already.”
shame: “Something is wrong with me. I am a failure and everyone knows it.”
guilt: “I shouldn’t have done that again. I should know better.”
Or any other big emotion that puts you on high alert, you are resisting your behaviour (or: the thoughts and feelings behind your behaviour).
And as per Jung, what you resist will continue to persist.
So if you have a pattern that keeps on patterning, what can you do to remove resistance?
Step 1: Set a goal to keep on doing exactly what you’re doing.
So if you impulse buy new clothes as soon as you get your pay - set a goal to keep on doing that. (so long as it’s not going to cause you serious harm, use your good judgment, of course).
This helps you to drop the judgement / big reaction aspect of change that almost always gets us stuck in a resistance cycle.
Step 2: Step into birdwatcher mode.
Mindlessly repeating the same patterns is (sadly) not going to move you from where you are to where you want to be. But mindfully repeating the same patterns? Oof. A whole different story.
As you follow through on your goal (to keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing) step into birdwatcher mode whenever you notice yourself experiencing the urge you’ve been experiencing (to overspend, people please, excessively scroll, gossip, etc).
Observe yourself having the experience of (overspending, overeating, excessively scrolling, etc), removing judgement and adding heavy dollop of curiosity.
Notice how it feels to have the experience. Note down the feelings and thoughts that exist. Pay attention to where those thoughts and feelings “are” in your head or body. Be a birdwatcher.
Do this for three months and your pattern is going to be interrupted (promise).
